Snakes On A Plane
by Witchy-ways
Summary: Granddad never was the type that would miss out on a once in a life time opportunity, especially if that certain something was to get away and relax, in other words “To do it BIG” like the rappers say, but this time it's gonna be much nerve wrecking.


**Snakes on a Plane**

Granddad never was the type that would miss out on a once in a life time opportunity, especially if that certain something was to get away and relax, in other words "To do it BIG" like the rappers say. But this time he is obliged to take his grandchildren and Tom D with him. If you thought that was his worst nightmare think again because that's just the tip of the iceberg.

**Disclaimer:**** As always I don't own these cool cats from the Boondocks, but I sure do love toying with them. XD **

**Hope you'll enjoy this little story, I wanted to cut loose on the description and focus mainly on dialog…for comedic purposes of course, aiight? )**

**Characters: Granddad, Huey, Riley, Tom D.**

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**Chapter 1: A satirical Once Upon a Time…**

**/////…Freeman residence…/////**

**/4:30 pm/**

_[[Booty Butt, booty butt, booty butt CHEEKS!_

_[[Booty Butt, booty butt, booty butt CHEEKS!_

"Damn, they ain't leaving nothin' to the imagination nowadays."

Granddad's eyes bulged glued on the tainted TV screen, lusciously admiring the so called video "hoes" strutting their "goodies" on national daytime television with the same appalling lyrics being sunk over and over again for a good three minutes.

"Boys cover ya eyes."

He waved his hand at Huey and Riley who both sat on the couch motionless; Huey with his arms linked across his chest and his expression stone cold, while Riley yawned wearisome, fiddling with his PSP, his head forming a huge lump on the cushion underneath him.

"Whoa, right there cutie pie, yup, yup. Move to the right, I ain't seeing her."

Huey raised a russet eyebrow at his grandfather.

"Uh-hum, yup, enough with this ghetto whatcha-ma-call-it filth, let's see what else is on."

The channels flipped at a staggering speed, till eventually his fingers released the forward button and landed on a commercial showcasing a sparkly clean Caucasian man, sharp suit and fake grin, preparing to showcase his offers. A couple of Caucasian blondes pointed aimlessly at the presenter, same smiles perturbing their lipgloss smeared lips, with the beaming studio spotlights sparkling on their phony platinum golden locks.

_HEY THERE! Tired of your old sorrowful life?_

"Yeah, I guess." He peeked in at his two motionless grandchildren.

_///Kids being a bigger burden than ever?///_

"YEAH!"

_///Wanna get out of the house and do it big?///_

"YEAH I WANNA DO IT BIG!"

_///Well then Horizon Travel Agency has just the thing for you! We're talking about marvelous getaways to exotic locations such as Costa Rica…///_

"Hell no…"

_///Peru, Greece, Mexico, Hawaii, England, Ireland, Scotland annnnnnd BERMUDA!///_

"Egh, too pricey fo' me. These ol' white folk think they can just go around and take them money outta your granddad. Hmph." Granddad crossed his arms and sky highed his creased nose.

_///And that's not all folks! For anyone willing to go to Bermuda we've got one major discount of 50 for any family containing four, yes I said it, FOUR members! Bring in the kids for a wonderful family fun vacation.///_

"BOYS WE'RE PACKIN'!"

The man jumped out of his seat in a blink of an eye, clasping his hand in a "chop chop" manner, shouting demands.

"What? But granddad it says four family members. We're THREE." Huey spread his palm toward the screen

"Aye, Granddad, bringin' in Dorothy don't count as four." Riley snickered playing with his device.

"Hush boys, I'll think of something…there's gotta be someone out there who…"

**///Ding Dong///**

Suddenly the door rang in a melodic ding, dong approach. All three heads turned at the source of the sound.

"Huey get that, boy!" he ordered, dismissing with his hand.

Huey gradually made his way toward the door, opened it only to find the slender figure of the one and only Thomas Dubois, assistant district attorney, sporting in the same navy blue suit he always wore, only emphasizing his professionalism even when coming in to visit for idle chats. Huey eyed him suspiciously, only to get a cheerful wave and toothy grin as a response.

"Hey there, Huey! Is Robert home?"

Granddad's once meditating expression darkened by the thoughts of his entity lightened into a wide grin, the radiance emanating from the room bristling into his old worn out grey irises. Suddenly the little light bulb on top of his head clicked. Eureka! He spread his arms widely scattering the illusion that he wanted to hug his once annoying neighbor.

"Robert! What's up my man! My homie! My buddie! My pal!"

Tom frowned bewildered, half smiling.

"Erm, I'm doing great Robert. I was wondering if you'd be interested in meeting in with the guys at another game of pocker…"

"Pocker? Who needs pocker!? Come here Tom, I've got a proposition for ya." Robert wrapped his arms around Tom's shoulder, taking him inside." Remember how we once wanted to do it big?" his grin widened.

"You mean like our Costa Rica trip?"

"Ah, screw Costa Rica, they ain't nothin' but a bunch of punk ass snobs." He weaved his hand in the air.

"But what about the whole Robert "Bitches" Freeman thing?"

"Aaah, I'm coming to that…buddy. Ya see we're going to go to BERMUDA!"

"Bermuda…?" his voice trailed off, tightening his features into a lose frown accompanied by perplexion and wonderment.

"Yes, Tom, are ya deaf, I said Bermuda!!!"

"But Granddad there has been numerous reports over concerning the Bermuda Triangle region. A huge number of airplanes have vanished in what are said to be circumstances that fall clear of the restrictions of human miscalculation or acts of nature." Huey calmly explained darting the ruby red reflections from his grandfather to Thomas Dubois.

"None of that jibber jabber from you boy." He cut him sharply, eyeing him with a twitching ogle.

"He does have a point there, Robert."

"Well then why don't you and Huey go on and do your fancy pants research on whatever it is you want and let me go on a GODDAMN trip TO mothafuckin' BERMUDA!"

Exactly like an old lady of his stature, he glued the back of his palms on each side of his hips, leaning in to childishly mimic a high pitch voice, ending in a hard toned string of curses and fist balling.

"No, no, no, Robert, sorry, I was just…yeah." Tom's uneasiness grew further… "Are we still going?" he forced a wide grin.

"Hell yeah we're still goin'." He puckered his lips, planting his perpetually soggy hands on each hip, his sharp glare found the figure of his grandchildren.

"Boys! What did I just said? Go upstairs and pack, I ain't got time for you to be messin' around here. GO AND PACK!" he snarled, buckets of saliva escaping the refuge of his oral cavity and disintegrated in space.

"Yeah, yeah, stop bitchin', we goin'." Riley rolled his eyes, preparing to march.

**SLAP**

"OW, GRANDDAD!" the boy rubbed thoroughly the back of his neck in an attempt to sooth the newly formed bruise. " Pst…Fucki…OW…"

And yet again…

"What did I say about cussing under my roof, boy?" his palm seized in mid air provokingly.

Tom interrupted the family matter with his constant stammering and pretext searching demeanor.

"But Robert, I still need to discuss with Sarah and everything."

"Stop being whipped Tom and start being a man. Ain't nobody be telling you what to do. Yeah, now get cho self back there and pack, come back tomorrow at 10 or I'm leavin' without'cha." Granddad poked his fine ironed suit fiercely, jabbing in his grey with time eyebrows.

"Y-y-yes, right away." Tom stammered interrupting, a sweat drop dripping on his sleek forehead. One shaky smile plastered on lips and a rickety wave later, he washed out of their sight, blaring melodically "Honey" with a high-pitch, slightly opera-ish tone of voice.

**///Next morning, 10:08 Am///**

_**Freeman Garage**_

Robert Freeman gazed absentmindedly at the road ahead of him, darting his rutted eyes from the road to his watch repetitively, taking in no notice of his two boys, age ten and eight, carrying in weighty bags and luggage.

"What in the hell is wrong with that man. Don't he know 10 am, means 10 AM?!?" his arms coupled, as his left foot patting restlessly on the stone cold pavement.

What seemed to be a dot slowly formed into the silhouette of Tom Dubois, wearing a vibrantly tinted Hawaiian shirt, tucked diligently in his short kaki pants to match the exotic style, pants were increasingly overhead the closer he got. Granddad's eyebrow hoisted up, but eventually shrugged the mental image off and entered his car, not before shouting strings of massive cussing.

"Tom, get'cha ass in here, we ain't got no time for idle chit-chatter. We've got a plane to catch."

"Hey nigga, you embarrassing yourself with them shorts, wha', got a discount a' tha' homeless shelter?" Riley giggled, poking his head out of the car's window. Huey, took advantage of his brother's oblivion and slapped the back of his neck.

"AYE, nigga don' be beefin' at a nigga." He scratched the tip of his head although the pain wasn't there at all.

"Just shut up." Huey, slapped him again, causing the boy to resolve in a string of shrieks and fake crocodile tears while engaging in a "bitch slap" with the young intellectual.

"AYE, GRANDDAD, Huey want to rape me cuz he's a homo!!" he grinned, eying his sibling mischievously.

"Hey, shut up over there and no funny business coming from both of you, ya hear?" He cocked his head to glimpse at the back seat, before dismissing them with a waving hand.

Huey sighed and scooted to the opposite side of the seat, shaking his head at the ignorance and stupidity of his own kind.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Robert, I just had to pack and brush my teeth and…" Robert climbed into the front seat, minding to carefully arrange and rearrange his safety belt.

"Whatever, I don't have time for all of this, GET IN!" Granddad yanked his flowery collar, plopping the man on the seat, while the attorney's right hand slammed shut the car's door. "Hey, don't hurt lil' ol' Dorothy, or I'll kick your ass all the way to Bermuda." The old man barked, threatening the poor man that was basically wondering what made him tag along with Robert in the first place.

A key was plunged on the ignition.

The car sent a major of gas coughs through its tube, while smoothly purring its engine. The rims reflected in the sun's massive stare as the tire rotated hypnotizing. They were off. Off to the horizon, off to start out what would be known as a string of many hilarious (or not if you don't have a well developed sense of humor) adventures.

Huey gazed behind his shoulder at the ghostly figure of his house that faded within the sunny depths of the atmosphere, eyes softening, utterly ignoring Riley's sudden outbursts in singing "_Homies over Hoes"_, sighing, knowing oh to well that this is going to be one of the worse nightmares of his life.

And so it was.

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**Hehe, first chapter uploaded. I just started this story two days ago, so submitting something this quickly does come as a shock to me. I hate beginnings, always did, the funny parts are barely in the middle. xD Like really reaaaally funny parts.**

Hope you enjoyed it by now. Next chapter will be up soon.

See ya!


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